Self esteem is a major buzz word in society today.
Parents are frantic about building the self esteem of their children. Adults acknowledge that the reason that they are not getting ahead in life, is that they do not have a good self esteem.
There are scores of books out there, each with their own definition of self esteem and each with their own advice on how to achieve it. I too have a definition which is quite simple really: You have good self esteem when you like yourself and feel adequate in the world. There are many "symptoms" of low self esteem.
A common one is when you walk around wishing that you were some one else or living a different life. Another is when you cannot take criticism. Another is when you keep failing at something even though you are quite good at it, for example, you are good at golf but when you play a competition you always do badly. Poor self esteem will erode your confidence to take risks or tackle new tasks. Presenting yourself well at an interview will be extremely difficult too because your low self esteem will show itself in your posture, tone of voice or behaviour.Low self esteem can affect relationships as well.
You have probably heard the old adage that "if you do not love yourself, you will not believe that any one else can love you". The adage is true. Similarly, a person who does not value herself, will choose a man who treats her badly to be her partner. Furthermore, a man who thinks poorly of himself will not be able approach a woman he admires and so will live a solitary life.Good self esteem is valuable for every person, at every age.
Therefore, even as an adult, it is beneficial to try and improve your self esteem if you feel that poor self esteem is negatively impacting your life.Good self esteem derives from several factors:
If you have a low self esteem, there is a lot you can do to improve the situation.
- It is related to how you perceive yourself. You have a picture of yourself in your head which is like a template and every time you look at yourself in a mirror, or in your mind, you see this picture. When your template is a positive one, your self esteem will be high. This is an inside-out factor.
- It is closely connected to your thoughts about yourself. What you tell yourself daily about who you are and how you rate in the world, will determine your self esteem to a large extent. When you tell yourself that you are a decent person, and that your life is worthwhile, then you will have a positive self esteem. This is another inside-out factor.
- It is influenced by your optimism or pessimism. When you have a tendency to view the world in negative light then, by extension, you will see yourself negatively. Conversely, when you tend to see the world optimistically, (with positivity and hope), then your view of yourself will naturally reflect this.
- It is impacted by your activities in the world. When you complete a task competently, you will build your self esteem. When you try new and more difficult behaviours and survive them, you will positively influence the way you see yourself. This is an outside-in factor.
- Good body image is a major contributor towards good self esteem. When you like your body and feel good in your skin, you feel good in the world. This is an outside-in factor.
- Feeling loved by a person who is important to you will help build your self esteem a lot. This is an outside-in factor.
- Take heart that you can achieve the self esteem that you need to achieve personal success.
- Make a commitment right now to begin the process.
- Start by learning more about self esteem.
- If you would like to learn about how to build you self esteem, please subscribe to my Key to Self Esteem newsletter in the left column of this page which will be sent to you on a monthly basis, or you can visit my newsletter subscriptions page to receive newsletters on other topics that I write about.
- If you would be interested in attending a group course in building self esteem, please register interest by contacting us - our contact form is here.
- If you would like a private consultation with Renée Mill or one of her associates, please don't hesitate to call 02 9328 5899